Should I feel partially indirectly responsible for this suicide?

A girl I've been dating, hereafter referred to as "my girl", had a cousin who had a bad home life and was a bit of a lost cause/deadbeat. The cousin got herself into trouble involving credit cards and called on my girl for help. It's not the first time it's happened, but this is the most serious.

My girl extremely stupidly gave her all of her life savings as well as borrowing money from her own friends to give the cousin. (My advice was let her go to jail.)

My girl is now broke and owes other people a bit of money, which sucks for her.

Anyway, I kept telling my girl not to be so soft because she'd carrying this cousin for the rest of her life if she kept helping her like this.

The cousin got pregnant and there was no father around to take responsibility, and she wanted an abortion, and she called my girl for money/help.

I said "you have to take a stand and stop enabling her", and I also urged her to call the cousin and ask for the money back, which she did.

The cousin said "I don't have any money, I don't have a job, sniff, sniff, sob sob."

And then I found out around midnight tonight that the cousin killed herself.

Prior to this, my girl had always felt pity for the cousin and helped her if she could. If she didn't follow my tough love advice, maybe the cousin would still be alive?

If I were you I wouldn't take it as what you told "your girl" to do caused her to kill herself. Sooner or later "your girl" would have run out of patience and money to give her cousin which would probably have resulted in the same thing happening. It sounds like her cousin needed help and wasn't making the right choices in life. There are places to go if you need help and she didn't use her options. This is really sad and I am sorry for you and your girl.

Your girl's cousin sounded like she was on a one way path towards disaster. It wasn't your fault dude, you just said what needed to be said.

Life is not fair, sometimes dreams do not come true sometimes you are not the hero of the story of your life and sometimes people die before they're supposed too. Life is not fair, but fair has nothing to do with who you are inside. What you dream about, who you love, and what you stand for. Life cannot touch that, war cannot touch that.

Normally I dont like to look at such serious situations in such a simple light. But...only one person makes the choice to commit suicide.

All across the world "tough love" and stopping enabling is encouraged. Unfortunately this time things didn't go well - but there was probably a lot more going on then what you were involved in.

Also, sorry you are having to deal with the perceived guilt.

Its not your fault man, like the others said, she sounds like she had some serious problems and didn't seek out the right help.

You can't blame yourself for another persons actions.

TG Bravo Zero,

Thank you for joining our forums, and I also thank you for sharing that very unsettling story about your life and people in it. I appreciate that.

Now to answer your question, should you feel partially, indirectly, responsible, but not really, about her suicide. That doesn't matter, because no matter what we tell you, I'm sure you will always feel that you should feel partially responsible. Like the final nail in the coffin. Having said that, I believe you should not because you certainly are not responsible for her tragic suicide.

I am assuming she had been thinking about it for a long time and she finally got around to it. Her story is a sad one, something that really is too grim to make up.

Our decisions place us in every situation we find ourselves in. There is always a choice, and she chose wrong. Unfortunately, a lot of young people choose the wrong decisions. It's all part of growing up.

So here is what I want you to do. Hold your girl, watch some TV, be together, and remember: Life is so very fragile. We are all vulnerable, we will all at some point in our lives... fall, we will all fall. We must carry this in our hearts, that what we have is special, and it can be taken from us, and when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our very souls. It is these times, it is this pain that allows us to look inside ourselves and find out who we really are.

God bless you, and again, thank you.

I want David to be my psychologist whenever I go crazy.

VGH_David wrote:

TG Bravo Zero,

Thank you for joining our forums, and I also thank you for sharing that very unsettling story about your life and people in it. I appreciate that.

Now to answer your question, should you feel partially, indirectly, responsible, but not really, about her suicide. That doesn't matter, because no matter what we tell you, I'm sure you will always feel that you should feel partially responsible. Like the final nail in the coffin. Having said that, I believe you should not because you certainly are not responsible for her tragic suicide.

I am assuming she had been thinking about it for a long time and she finally got around to it. Her story is a sad one, something that really is too grim to make up.

Our decisions place us in every situation we find ourselves in. There is always a choice, and she chose wrong. Unfortunately, a lot of young people choose the wrong decisions. It's all part of growing up.

So here is what I want you to do. Hold your girl, watch some TV, be together, and remember: Life is so very fragile. We are all vulnerable, we will all at some point in our lives... fall, we will all fall. We must carry this in our hearts, that what we have is special, and it can be taken from us, and when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our very souls. It is these times, it is this pain that allows us to look inside ourselves and find out who we really are.

God bless you, and again, thank you.

Dude, thank you thank you thank you thank you so much. I cannot even explain how much I appreciate that. It's like I have hit rock bottom and just looking for someone to lend me a hand, and you a total stranger manages to give me this comforting advice. Thank you! and all of you guys thank you as well for taking the time to read my situation and understand what I was going through.

TG Bravo 2 Zero wrote:

VGH_David wrote:

TG Bravo Zero,

Thank you for joining our forums, and I also thank you for sharing that very unsettling story about your life and people in it. I appreciate that.

Now to answer your question, should you feel partially, indirectly, responsible, but not really, about her suicide. That doesn't matter, because no matter what we tell you, I'm sure you will always feel that you should feel partially responsible. Like the final nail in the coffin. Having said that, I believe you should not because you certainly are not responsible for her tragic suicide.

I am assuming she had been thinking about it for a long time and she finally got around to it. Her story is a sad one, something that really is too grim to make up.

Our decisions place us in every situation we find ourselves in. There is always a choice, and she chose wrong. Unfortunately, a lot of young people choose the wrong decisions. It's all part of growing up.

So here is what I want you to do. Hold your girl, watch some TV, be together, and remember: Life is so very fragile. We are all vulnerable, we will all at some point in our lives... fall, we will all fall. We must carry this in our hearts, that what we have is special, and it can be taken from us, and when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our very souls. It is these times, it is this pain that allows us to look inside ourselves and find out who we really are.

God bless you, and again, thank you.

Dude, thank you thank you thank you thank you so much. I cannot even explain how much I appreciate that. It's like I have hit rock bottom and just looking for someone to lend me a hand, and you a total stranger manages to give me this comforting advice. Thank you! and all of you guys thank you as well for taking the time to read my situation and understand what I was going through.

You're welcome man, I'm really glad I could comfort you. I've learned from a lot of personal experience, and the best advice is to just brave the storm and let things get better themselves.

I hope to see you around the forums more often.

Thanks for the kind words.